Becoming Okay

Tuesday, August 18, 2026

Today was the day I gave into something I fought for years to avoid.

I took my first dose of anti-depressant medication.

Zoloft, or the chemical name, Sertraline.

For as long as I can remember I’ve dealt with feelings of low mood and depression. I would always notice it feeling like other people were having more fun than I was. Enjoying their time in a better way than I was experiencing.

As I grew older, this steady baseline of feeling low started to fluctuate. Dipping below normal and then peaking above.

It was manageable.

As I kept aging, this ebb and flow became more and more intense.

But I started to notice that only the low dip was becoming more intense. More prolonged.

The swing above, the swing into feeling any sort of happiness, was a blip. A moment that was lost before I could even recognize it was there, and a moment that became instantly forgotten as I dove head first into worse and worse versions of my own reality.

Around two and a half years ago I found myself at a place I didn’t think I would find. A place that made me really question what was keeping me on this planet.

After years and years of working to naturally bring up my mood, all I found was the deepest hole I’ve experienced yet.

So I had to change.

I had spent all this time unwilling to take medication because I was so certain that I could figure it out on my own. I was so certain that it was unnecessary.

In the end I no longer care. I just want to feel better.

I’m tired of feeling the way that I am. I’m tired of the constant rollercoaster of fleeting happiness and drastic downfall.

I’m tired of not living my life.

So here I am. Trying to make a change.

This is my story of becoming okay.